Respect is the first step towards healing
Respect is the first step towards healing
Updated 11:26pm (Mla time) Jan 03, 2005
By Rina Jimenez-David
Inquirer News Service
Editor's Note: Published on page A11 of the January 4, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer
THE COVER illustration, by artist Katti Sta. Ana, of the book "Surviving the Odds: Finding Hope in Abused Children's Life Stories," shows a girl aboard a small banca traversing treacherous waters populated by menacing creatures. But far from looking frightened or nervous, the girl is shown facing the horizon with confidence, rowing across the swirling sea with self-assurance.
Like the girl on the cover, the children who tell their stories to the authors come equipped with their own boats and oars, skills and personal qualities that allow them to navigate through crises without losing hope or surrendering to the elements. These are children, the authors remind us, who have undergone some of the most horrendous experiences any person could go through, from sexual abuse to violence, neglect to exploitation, poverty and homelessness. And yet, as the authors found, the children showed evidence of resilience, the ability to "bounce back" from adversity, deal with pain and difficulty, and even continue believing in a better, kinder future for themselves.
In the previous column, several "resilience themes" were discussed, including the ability to "roll with the punches" and to learn from adversity, belief in oneself, and forbearance or pagtitiis. We'll now look into the other themes.
* * *
"FINDING happiness in situations which call for despair is a frequent theme in the stories of children who survive abuse," the book notes. An example is "Mario," a survivor of physical abuse who was well-loved by his fellow wards at the home where his mother left him for his sunny personality and ability to find humor even in grim situations.
The authors are nothing but admiring of the children they talked with: "Listening to some of the stories of the children, one is awed by their ability to keep sane when tragedies seem to be an ever-present reality in their lives." The stories told by resilient girl survivors, who underwent trauma ranging from childhood sexual abuse to physical assault, sound all the more dramatic when contrasted with those of other girls who, despite living through less horrific situations, can't seem to hold themselves together, acting out through fainting spells that seem to be more psychological than physical in origin.
"Kabutihang loob (inner goodness)" is another special quality of resilient children, the authors found. This "good character" is demonstrated through such behavior as relating well with people, being respectful and helpful, a refusal to harbor malice or bitterness, even if their life experience had shown them nothing but the dark side of life.
An "ethical mindset," or "a firm sense of what is right and wrong" also seems evident among resilient survivors. The researchers assert that resilience does not only connote toughness but also "the preservation of positive human qualities."
Other qualities identified by the research: the ability to recover from not just physical but also mental, emotional and even spiritual injury inflicted by abuse; the skill to "weave meaning from abusive experiences''; sensitivity to other people's views and feelings; ability to see even the most painful of situations as temporary; and the ability to resist temptation and exercise self-restraint.
* * *
CHILDREN are not either "resilient" or "not resilient," the authors emphasize. Rather, it would be better to describe them as either "more resilient" or "less resilient." While some children seem born with the personality traits and characteristics that allow them to bounce back easily from painful experiences, those who are "less resilient" can learn the skills they need to cope with crisis. Abused children have demonstrated an awesome capacity to "learn from experience," the authors note.
But growing in resilience, the study found, is not a one-time accomplishment, but rather "a process which has its ebbs and flows, its highs and lows." Sadness and trauma can revisit even a child who seems to have "recovered," while even the most damaged of children can find moments of clarity and self-preservation.
Having found that "resilience can be learned," the authors point the way to the next step: "How do we facilitate the flow of resilience among abused children?" As they point out: "Part of the role of child rights advocates working in NGOs and other support service institutions is to try to institute programs that will enhance the children's capacity to be resilient, especially those whom we consider to be less resilient."
The book then offers several program and counseling interventions that caregivers and institutions can adopt to develop and encourage the various "resilience themes" identified as crucial to survival of abuse.
* * *
BEYOND the practical aspects, though, what makes "Surviving the Odds" truly valuable is the portrait it paints of the child survivor of abuse. Such a child is not a helpless damaged creature fully dependent on caregivers and institutions for healing and recovery. Rather, he or she is a self-healer, who counts mainly on inner resources---belief in oneself, ability to withstand hardship and believe in the future, ethical principles, strength and humor--to survive even the most horrible experiences.
Family, friends, caregivers and shelters and institutions can provide the space and peace, time and guidance that child survivors need for healing and recovery. But those working with them need to recognize first of all the resilience they possess, to varied degrees, and endeavor to bring these out and develop them so that they can truly set out by themselves on the road to maturity. Respecting the child is the first step towards healing the child. And yes, there is indeed hope amid the awful reality of abuse.
Updated 11:26pm (Mla time) Jan 03, 2005
By Rina Jimenez-David
Inquirer News Service
Editor's Note: Published on page A11 of the January 4, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer
THE COVER illustration, by artist Katti Sta. Ana, of the book "Surviving the Odds: Finding Hope in Abused Children's Life Stories," shows a girl aboard a small banca traversing treacherous waters populated by menacing creatures. But far from looking frightened or nervous, the girl is shown facing the horizon with confidence, rowing across the swirling sea with self-assurance.
Like the girl on the cover, the children who tell their stories to the authors come equipped with their own boats and oars, skills and personal qualities that allow them to navigate through crises without losing hope or surrendering to the elements. These are children, the authors remind us, who have undergone some of the most horrendous experiences any person could go through, from sexual abuse to violence, neglect to exploitation, poverty and homelessness. And yet, as the authors found, the children showed evidence of resilience, the ability to "bounce back" from adversity, deal with pain and difficulty, and even continue believing in a better, kinder future for themselves.
In the previous column, several "resilience themes" were discussed, including the ability to "roll with the punches" and to learn from adversity, belief in oneself, and forbearance or pagtitiis. We'll now look into the other themes.
* * *
"FINDING happiness in situations which call for despair is a frequent theme in the stories of children who survive abuse," the book notes. An example is "Mario," a survivor of physical abuse who was well-loved by his fellow wards at the home where his mother left him for his sunny personality and ability to find humor even in grim situations.
The authors are nothing but admiring of the children they talked with: "Listening to some of the stories of the children, one is awed by their ability to keep sane when tragedies seem to be an ever-present reality in their lives." The stories told by resilient girl survivors, who underwent trauma ranging from childhood sexual abuse to physical assault, sound all the more dramatic when contrasted with those of other girls who, despite living through less horrific situations, can't seem to hold themselves together, acting out through fainting spells that seem to be more psychological than physical in origin.
"Kabutihang loob (inner goodness)" is another special quality of resilient children, the authors found. This "good character" is demonstrated through such behavior as relating well with people, being respectful and helpful, a refusal to harbor malice or bitterness, even if their life experience had shown them nothing but the dark side of life.
An "ethical mindset," or "a firm sense of what is right and wrong" also seems evident among resilient survivors. The researchers assert that resilience does not only connote toughness but also "the preservation of positive human qualities."
Other qualities identified by the research: the ability to recover from not just physical but also mental, emotional and even spiritual injury inflicted by abuse; the skill to "weave meaning from abusive experiences''; sensitivity to other people's views and feelings; ability to see even the most painful of situations as temporary; and the ability to resist temptation and exercise self-restraint.
* * *
CHILDREN are not either "resilient" or "not resilient," the authors emphasize. Rather, it would be better to describe them as either "more resilient" or "less resilient." While some children seem born with the personality traits and characteristics that allow them to bounce back easily from painful experiences, those who are "less resilient" can learn the skills they need to cope with crisis. Abused children have demonstrated an awesome capacity to "learn from experience," the authors note.
But growing in resilience, the study found, is not a one-time accomplishment, but rather "a process which has its ebbs and flows, its highs and lows." Sadness and trauma can revisit even a child who seems to have "recovered," while even the most damaged of children can find moments of clarity and self-preservation.
Having found that "resilience can be learned," the authors point the way to the next step: "How do we facilitate the flow of resilience among abused children?" As they point out: "Part of the role of child rights advocates working in NGOs and other support service institutions is to try to institute programs that will enhance the children's capacity to be resilient, especially those whom we consider to be less resilient."
The book then offers several program and counseling interventions that caregivers and institutions can adopt to develop and encourage the various "resilience themes" identified as crucial to survival of abuse.
* * *
BEYOND the practical aspects, though, what makes "Surviving the Odds" truly valuable is the portrait it paints of the child survivor of abuse. Such a child is not a helpless damaged creature fully dependent on caregivers and institutions for healing and recovery. Rather, he or she is a self-healer, who counts mainly on inner resources---belief in oneself, ability to withstand hardship and believe in the future, ethical principles, strength and humor--to survive even the most horrible experiences.
Family, friends, caregivers and shelters and institutions can provide the space and peace, time and guidance that child survivors need for healing and recovery. But those working with them need to recognize first of all the resilience they possess, to varied degrees, and endeavor to bring these out and develop them so that they can truly set out by themselves on the road to maturity. Respecting the child is the first step towards healing the child. And yes, there is indeed hope amid the awful reality of abuse.
posted by Dante at 12:00 AM
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