Teens, sex and parenthood
Teens, sex and parenthood
Updated 02:05am (Mla time) Dec 14, 2004
By Rina Jimenez-David
Inquirer News Service
Editor's Note: Published on page A15 of the December 14, 2004 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer.
TALKING about sex and teenagers is like shouting "Fire!" in a crowded movie house, American columnist Ellen Goodman once wrote. Acknowledging their children's sexuality can be a painful wrench for parents, who must from that moment surrender their illusions about their children's innocence. Indeed, every parent's nightmare is to be told by one's adolescent child that she is pregnant, or that he has gotten some girl pregnant. Even if intellectually parents know that there is no way they can monitor their child's every move and be entirely responsible for his or her behavior, a child's untimely motherhood or fatherhood still provokes overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame and self-recrimination. Indeed, in this case, the "sins" of the child are visited upon the parent.
The current talk of the town, or at least of the segment that takes show business gossip seriously, is the pregnancy of actress and TV host Rosanna Roces' 15-year-old daughter, with the actor-son of Sen. Bong Revilla, himself an actor, as the "culprit."
What struck me about the interviews with both Roces and Lani Mercado, mother of the father-to-be, was that, while Roces was all calm assurance and support for her daughter, it was Mercado who was shedding tears and expressing remorse and regret at her son's early fatherhood.
This flies in the face of the conventional view. Usually, teen-age pregnancy is seen as primarily the girl's -- and the girl's parents' -- problem. It is the girl and her parents who must bear the greater share of the emotional and even physical and material burden. Not only is it the girl who must go through nine months of pregnancy and hours of labor (and given her youth, who must put her life on the line as well), it is also she who bears much of the shame, blame and sacrifice.
* * *
HOW often have we heard parents of boys declare, for instance, that they have nothing to worry about their sons' sex education since the boys "will not be the ones getting pregnant"? As if pregnancy were the only unwanted consequence of casual, unprotected sex.
And how often does it happen that when a pair of high school students confront an unwanted pregnancy, it is the girl who must stop schooling and even go into hiding, while the boy continues with his usual activities, like nothing happened? The argument of school officials is that a pregnant teen walking the halls of school is a constant "bad example" to other students who might be tempted to emulate her. But what of the young father? Is he not, by blithely carrying on as if he didn't face new and serious responsibilities, also setting a "bad example" to his peers?
Indeed, this was the case with the young celebrities. It was Roces' daughter who had to stop going to school, feeling her friends and classmates were gossiping about her. The young Revilla, as far as I know, continued with his usual activities, including an active career on TV. As the interviews revealed, his parents even requested Roces to keep her daughter away from public view, mainly to protect the young Revilla's budding acting career.
* * *
I DO agree with Lani Mercado that it is still "wrong" and worrying for two adolescents to be taking on the responsibilities of parenthood at so early an age (both her son and Roces' daughter are to be parents at 16).
But I was gladdened, in some way, by Rosanna Roces' attitude -- or at least the demeanor she displayed on "The Buzz" -- that neither she nor her daughter had anything to be ashamed of. Instead, she chose to view the impending arrival of her grandson as a blessing, a gift, even.
Still, I noted that neither Roces nor Mercado, nor any of the hosts of "The Buzz" saw fit to mention contraceptives, or the need for sexually active young people to protect themselves from the unwanted consequences of early sexual activity, be it an unplanned pregnancy, a sexually transmitted infection, or heartbreak-on their part or their parents'. After all, such a situation need not have come to pass. While there is much to be said against 15-year olds engaging in sex, the situation need not have escalated into an unwanted, unplanned, mistimed pregnancy-and its consequences such as the interrupted schooling of the mother and the nipped-in-the-bud career of the father-if only the young people had known about and cared to use protection.
* * *
ALONGSIDE this bit of sizzling showbiz gossip are news bits about young mothers, most of them poor and ignorant, facing charges for their attempts to kill or abort the child in their wombs.
One mother expressed "shock" when, while sitting on a toilet seat after suffering stomach pains, she found a baby shooting out from her. Too late did she remember to catch the infant before it landed headfirst in the toilet and then, fearing the baby dead, she tried to stuff it in a garbage bin.
The situation would have been funny were it not for the fact that the baby nearly died from its mother's ministrations, though fortunately neighbors rushed both mother and child to the hospital just in time. The TV news footage then showed a repentant young mother, now claiming to love the baby she had nearly killed.
How could someone be so ignorant or naive? we might ask. The painful answer is that the clueless young mother is typical of young Filipinos, who as surveys show muddle along with little knowledge about sex and sexuality, given our reticence about such matters and the paranoia of moral guardians who feel sex education will produce a generation of “disgrasyadas.” News flash: Unless we change this situation of willed ignorance soon, we will be putting at risk even more such young mothers and their innocent, blameless offspring.
Updated 02:05am (Mla time) Dec 14, 2004
By Rina Jimenez-David
Inquirer News Service
Editor's Note: Published on page A15 of the December 14, 2004 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer.
TALKING about sex and teenagers is like shouting "Fire!" in a crowded movie house, American columnist Ellen Goodman once wrote. Acknowledging their children's sexuality can be a painful wrench for parents, who must from that moment surrender their illusions about their children's innocence. Indeed, every parent's nightmare is to be told by one's adolescent child that she is pregnant, or that he has gotten some girl pregnant. Even if intellectually parents know that there is no way they can monitor their child's every move and be entirely responsible for his or her behavior, a child's untimely motherhood or fatherhood still provokes overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame and self-recrimination. Indeed, in this case, the "sins" of the child are visited upon the parent.
The current talk of the town, or at least of the segment that takes show business gossip seriously, is the pregnancy of actress and TV host Rosanna Roces' 15-year-old daughter, with the actor-son of Sen. Bong Revilla, himself an actor, as the "culprit."
What struck me about the interviews with both Roces and Lani Mercado, mother of the father-to-be, was that, while Roces was all calm assurance and support for her daughter, it was Mercado who was shedding tears and expressing remorse and regret at her son's early fatherhood.
This flies in the face of the conventional view. Usually, teen-age pregnancy is seen as primarily the girl's -- and the girl's parents' -- problem. It is the girl and her parents who must bear the greater share of the emotional and even physical and material burden. Not only is it the girl who must go through nine months of pregnancy and hours of labor (and given her youth, who must put her life on the line as well), it is also she who bears much of the shame, blame and sacrifice.
* * *
HOW often have we heard parents of boys declare, for instance, that they have nothing to worry about their sons' sex education since the boys "will not be the ones getting pregnant"? As if pregnancy were the only unwanted consequence of casual, unprotected sex.
And how often does it happen that when a pair of high school students confront an unwanted pregnancy, it is the girl who must stop schooling and even go into hiding, while the boy continues with his usual activities, like nothing happened? The argument of school officials is that a pregnant teen walking the halls of school is a constant "bad example" to other students who might be tempted to emulate her. But what of the young father? Is he not, by blithely carrying on as if he didn't face new and serious responsibilities, also setting a "bad example" to his peers?
Indeed, this was the case with the young celebrities. It was Roces' daughter who had to stop going to school, feeling her friends and classmates were gossiping about her. The young Revilla, as far as I know, continued with his usual activities, including an active career on TV. As the interviews revealed, his parents even requested Roces to keep her daughter away from public view, mainly to protect the young Revilla's budding acting career.
* * *
I DO agree with Lani Mercado that it is still "wrong" and worrying for two adolescents to be taking on the responsibilities of parenthood at so early an age (both her son and Roces' daughter are to be parents at 16).
But I was gladdened, in some way, by Rosanna Roces' attitude -- or at least the demeanor she displayed on "The Buzz" -- that neither she nor her daughter had anything to be ashamed of. Instead, she chose to view the impending arrival of her grandson as a blessing, a gift, even.
Still, I noted that neither Roces nor Mercado, nor any of the hosts of "The Buzz" saw fit to mention contraceptives, or the need for sexually active young people to protect themselves from the unwanted consequences of early sexual activity, be it an unplanned pregnancy, a sexually transmitted infection, or heartbreak-on their part or their parents'. After all, such a situation need not have come to pass. While there is much to be said against 15-year olds engaging in sex, the situation need not have escalated into an unwanted, unplanned, mistimed pregnancy-and its consequences such as the interrupted schooling of the mother and the nipped-in-the-bud career of the father-if only the young people had known about and cared to use protection.
* * *
ALONGSIDE this bit of sizzling showbiz gossip are news bits about young mothers, most of them poor and ignorant, facing charges for their attempts to kill or abort the child in their wombs.
One mother expressed "shock" when, while sitting on a toilet seat after suffering stomach pains, she found a baby shooting out from her. Too late did she remember to catch the infant before it landed headfirst in the toilet and then, fearing the baby dead, she tried to stuff it in a garbage bin.
The situation would have been funny were it not for the fact that the baby nearly died from its mother's ministrations, though fortunately neighbors rushed both mother and child to the hospital just in time. The TV news footage then showed a repentant young mother, now claiming to love the baby she had nearly killed.
How could someone be so ignorant or naive? we might ask. The painful answer is that the clueless young mother is typical of young Filipinos, who as surveys show muddle along with little knowledge about sex and sexuality, given our reticence about such matters and the paranoia of moral guardians who feel sex education will produce a generation of “disgrasyadas.” News flash: Unless we change this situation of willed ignorance soon, we will be putting at risk even more such young mothers and their innocent, blameless offspring.
posted by Dante at 2:05 AM
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